Please
by Rynna
Summary: Narcissa, reflecting upon the loss of the love of her life. Angst. Femmeslash. You have been warned.


It had been years beyond counting since the last time Naricssa had seen Lily Evans. She remember kisses, whispers, promises…Before a cruel reality had stepped in and reminded her of the reality which she lived in.

"I'm marrying James." she remembered it clear as if it had happened yesterday. Potter. It wasn't the fact that it was said so casually, as she might have said it to a friend, instead of a girl she had pledged to love until her dying day….it was the fact that it was James bloody Potter.

"Y-You….What?" her voice cracked, came out a dry whisper. She remembered how her throat had felt like a desert at high noon. Her world was spinning. She knew she had been engaged to Malfoy…Lucius…At that point, but it was never anything obvious. It was just something people KNEW. They never were seen taking meals together, never acted like a couple…They just were expected to up and get married out of Hogwarts because That Was What was Expected of Them. She'd never, not once, assumed that Lily had her own pretense to keep. She just had been running blind on this thing called love, and when she hit the wall of reality, was surprised at how badly it _hurt. _

"I'm marrying James, Cissa. I…He's just…Ugh. Dumbledore says we…We have to. Something about a prophecy…"

"What? That meddling old codger! How does he even KNOW such a thing? I don't see him marrying anyone because he saw a bloody prophecy. How dare he? Did you tell him no? I mean…Lily…I thought we….We…." she couldn't continue. It made her throat ache, even twenty years later, that feeling. The tears had been falling so fast it was impossible to keep them in check. She knew she was a Black and it was her sodding 'destiny' to marry Lucius bloody Malfoy and produce an heir, but…She never thought of it as actually HAPPENING. She remembers, now, how she'd laughed at herself. Idyllic little daydreams of a girl that would have been better suited to Ravenclaw house. Where you were still allowed to have a future. Slytherin? You didn't have a chance. Your future was set the minute you were born. She thought, young and naive, that she and Lily could run away-Even into Muggle London, and live out their lives together. Maybe get a cat, adopt a baby…It didn't matter what they did, they would have been _happy_ and it would have been _perfect_.

"I wanted to….You…Us….We could just run away, Lily. Run away with me, tonight. Please. Please don't do this. Stay with me…Please, Lily?" begging. She begged until her voice was raw, a whisper. Lily cried, and shook her head.

"I can't, Cissa…I…The propechy…We're talking about saving the lives of everyone. That's what's at stake here. I can't say any more. But if I don't do this…We're all doomed. Everyone will die. Or live a horrible, miserable life, that I could have prevented. If I run away, I'll be condemning them all to that life. I don't want that. Not for anyone. Not even my worst enemy deserves that. I can't just turn my back on this. I have to…I'm…I'm sorry…Please don't hate me. Please. I love you….I just want you to have a good life, Cissa. I don't want you to live your life in fear and misery with me, knowing that I could have done something to prevent it."

"So, now what, Lily? We pretend this never happened? That the last two years were a joke? I want to live a life WITH YOU! I don't care about anyone else. I just….I just want to be with you." it sounded like a pathetic argument, even to her.

_I did not live a peaceful life, my love. I didn't even live a happy one. Not since that day. _

October 31, 1981. She knew the exact moment that Lily Evans…Now Lily Potter…Had passed away. The enchanted ring that she had given Cissa so many years ago, charmed to change from emerald to ruby and sometimes blend…Had ceased. Leaving it stuck on emerald, no longer changing, flowing with time. The metal was cold, instead of warm, as it always had been. Narcissa remembers all too well, her 21 year old self clutching the ring, hidden in her quarters of the Manor; sobbing. Lily, her Lily…was dead. She didn't need to ask how, she knew. Voldemort. The man her 'husband' worshipped had killed her Lily. From that day forward, her sole focus was Draco. Her little Draco. She wondered, sometimes, what sort of child her and Lily might have had….yet, that was a dream that had died long before it ever had a chance to live.

Her Draco was all grown up now. She was in her 40s. So much older and wiser than the young Narcissa Black, that had thought the world could be solved by the love of a fiery Gryffindor and a quiet mis-sorted Slytherin. She would give anything to go back and argue with that stupid hat. To argue with her father against the engagement. Anything.

She stepped up to the kissing gate in Godric's Hollow. It was October 31, 2003. 23 years since her Lily had breathed her last. She'd died protecting her son. Narcissa had seen him a few times, most notably in the Manor the Summer of the War…His eyes. She could barely look at him. His eyes, bright with terror at the thought of his friends dying. They were Lily's, through and through. It cut her into shreds to see the expression on his face, so like his mother….

She waved her wand, and a bouquet of lily-of-the-valley and narcissus appeared in front of her. She caught it and laid it on the ground in front of the snowy headstone.

It had been 28 years since she'd last kissed Lily Evans. Narcissa pressed her lips to her palm, ignoring the salt from the tears…She touched her lover's engraved name; and let herself break down. She screamed, cried, grasped at that stone and shouted at it like if she yelled loudly enough it would _bring her back_ but it didn't. She cried until she couldn't cry anymore, and realized with a heavy heart; that she'd never felt so alone. If not for her grandson, Scorpius, she'd have left this world long ago. Draco was a grown man, and had little time for her now. Scorpius was the only thing keeping her going.

If he sometimes saw his grandmother crying over pictures of a redheaded girl in the drawing room, he never asked why….And for that, Cissa was thankful.

_Oh, Lily…I miss you so._

Life was never going to get easier. Not until the day she saw her again.

_So much for having a peaceful, happy life, Lily. I hope keeping that prophecy was worth it, love. I really do. I don't think I'm any better off than I would have been running away with you._

_I wish you hadn't been so damn noble._

_ I wish you'd come back to me…_

_ Please..._


End file.
